RED WINE HAIKU

Wine reviews as poetry in haiku form by Lane Steinberg. For oenophiles & everyone else...

Here's the backstory:

My elderly Junior High School English teacher, Miss Gimpel, introduced me to haiku. I had a real fondness for her, but her enthusiasm for haiku didn't make much of an impression on me. My earliest memory of drinking red wine is sharing a bottle of Night Train with a dishwasher at the summer camp where I worked as a waiter. I didn't like that much, either. But now, years later, it seems to me that haiku is the perfect vehicle to encapsulate all aspects of red wine, from the mysteriously sublime to the numbingly mundane. These haikus provide a quick blast of an impression without getting too specific. If the haikus are good, you should be able to taste them in your mind. Disclaimer: Why only red? The renowned critic Harry Waugh once said it was wine's obligation to be red. I like white wine just fine, but red's my drink. For the purposes of this website, all haikus are strict 5-7-5 syllables per line. That way the playing field is level for all.I post periodically, adding to the existing list from the top down.
USA TODAY writes about this blog! Holy Haiku!
A very generous entry about this blog appears in a new book by Michael J. Gelb.
Wine Haikus
All material copyright control by Lane Steinberg (redwinehaiku@nyc.rr.com). Original post 01/05

 

499) Mas De Masos 2002 (Spain)

The bottomless glass

The more that one drinks from it

The fuller it gets

498) North By Northwest Cabernet 2009 (Oregon)

Replete with something

That displaces emptiness

In a pleasant way

497) Piaggia Il Sasso Carmignano 2007 (Italy)

Splayed out on the grass
Each moment is magnified

While you're motionless

496) Domaine du Grand Tinel Chateauneuf du Pape 2007 (France)

Pinot goes crazy

Crashes the costume party

France folded in half

495) Domaine Les Pallieres Gigondas 2005 (France)

Fragile lace curtains

Allow sun to penetrate

Warm, muted colors

494) William Hill Bench Blend Cabernet 2007 (California)

In California

They take meetings in hot tubs

As the fog rolls in

493) Louis B. Martini Cabernet Sonoma County 2008 (California)

Great for beginners

Seven crayons in a box

Kindergarten Cab

492) Villa Mattielli Amarone della Valpolicella 2007 (Italy)

Weight on the back end

Keeps one warm throughout a night

Where stars are obscured

491) Rancho Zabaco Sonoma Heritage Zinfandel 2008 (California)

We rode in steerage

And dined on the thinnest gruel

Our next trip we'll fly

490) Bodega Luzdivina Amigo Bierzo Viñademoya 2006

Flab 'round the center

Says hello at middle age

And hangs a shingle

489) Roxyann Syrah 2008 (Oregon)

Baby butt softness

And a milk chocolate finish

Hide from the children!

488) Roxyann Merlot 2007 (Oregon)

When expectations

Are effortlessly eclipsed

One's left satisfied

487) Domaine Thevenot-Le Brun et Fils Bourgogne

Hautes Cotes de Nuits Les Renardes 2008 (France)

A name and a half

For this malnourished weakling

Perhaps still too young

486) Cannonball Cabernet 2008 (California)

Starts off promising

An impressive half gainer

Then a belly flop

485) Thumbprint Cellars Knight's Valley Cabernet 2007 (California)

Coming down your block

Footsteps that trample the earth

And stain your driveway

485) Faunus Nero D'avola 2008 (Italy)

Like stripes on a pig

Or hot cross buns in prison

Bursting with nothing

484) Crane Ridge Livermore Valley Merlot 2009 (California)

One can only miss

What they think they've known before

Past uncertainties

483) Bodegas Renacer "Punto Final" Malbec 2010 (Argentina)

Pencil factory

Abandoned for two decades

Still smells like pencils

482) Butterfield Station Cabernet 2009 (California)

Almost neutral

Tastes of grapes grown in plasma

First wine on the moon

481) Castlebank Zinfandel 2009 (California)

Frivolous and cold

Which by no means should suggest
It's without its charms

480) Maroon Zinfandel 2007 (California)

Gifted magicians

Miraculously transformed

A bowl of Fruit Loops

479) Surh Luchtel Syrah 2005 (California)

An enormous room

Light pours in through a skylight

Onto the soft bed

478) Chateau Lascombes Margaux 2002 (France)

Corners beautifully

Sleek leather upholstery

Many miles left

477) Jacuzzi Family Vineyards Barbera 2009 (California)

Pure California

But after a few hours

It turns Italian

476) Pricum Prieto Picudo 2007 (Spain)

My pants are too tight

And I have to run back home

Wearing fancy shoes

475) Ampelos Pinot Noir 2005 (California)

Nurtured from its birth

The child grew straight and strong

Liquified heaven

474) Ravenswood Vintner's Blend Zinfandel 2009 (California)

Hippocratic wine

Its first duty satisfied

There was no harm done

473) Artazuri Garnacha 2009 (Spain)

A Hawaiian shirt

Depicts a floral heaven

But burdens the eyes

472) Diamond Ridge Pinot Noir 2008 (California)

Overflowing fruit

Spilled on a picnic blanket

Bucolic daydream

471) Domaine Duclaux Chateauneuf-Du-Pape 2003 (France)

Don't rush to drink it

Inhale the heavenly scents

Of fresh rose petals

470) Marquis Phillips Grenache 2008 (Australia)

Full hearts slowly fall

Enveloped by alcohol

Great night had by all

469) The Crusher Merlot Wilson Vineyard 2008 (California)

Not the name I'd pick

Seducer is much more apt

Or The Innocent

468) MacMurray Ranch Central Coast Pinot Noir 2007 (California)

Stayed fresh for nine days

Its foundation holding firm

Nature kept at bay

467) Apothic Red Winemaker's Blend 2008 (California)

Warm spaghettios

And store-brand Romano cheese

Please pull the trigger

466) Sebastiani Sonoma County Merlot 2009 (California)

The chameleon

A fascinating creature

Throw him on the grill

465) Ghost Pines Zinfandel 2008 (California)

The baby's crying

But the pacifier

yieldslife too quiet

464) Deloach Russian River Vally Pinot 2008 (California)

Insane day I had

Ended with roasted chicken

And this peaceful glass

463) Benessere Sangiovese 2006 (California)

The spirit of youth

Beneath the banquet table

Goodbye lasagna

462) JT Cellars Syrah 2007 (California)

Expecting not bad

I wasn't disappointed

Life should be like this

461) Fonterutoli Chianti Classico 2007 (Italy)

A vein of sugar

Lies deep beneath the earth's crust

Teasing the needle

460) Santa Rita Floresta Apalta 2004 (Chile)

A fat roar promised

Lion's bite over rehearsed

Young prude in a vise

459) Bridlewood Pinot Noir 2008 (California)

A rattlesnake kiss

Beneath a sandalwood sky

A perfect poison

458) Valreas "Cuvee Prestige" Cotes Du Rhone 2007 (France)

Tiny spring daisies

Standing at full attention

Lapping up sunshine

457) Domaine La Garrigue Vacqueyras 2007 (France)

To recalibrate

Requires inspiration

This can be of help

456) Bear Flag Snooth Red Wine Blend (California)

The label's a mess

Busy, headache-inducing

Flatters the contents

455) Miros de Ribera Riserva 2001 (Spain)

The tangerine peel

I was chasing in my mouth

Quicker than the tongue

454) Kendall Jackson Merlot Vintner's Reserve 2006 (California)

Scientists with charts

Lunch with folks from marketing

Sales are through the roof

453) Aries Pinot Noir Los Carneros 2006 (California)

On the second day

Subtle metamorphosis

When shyness is shed

452) Benessere Sangiovese 2006 (California)

Smiling hard sell

Replete with batting lashes

Then a mad retreat

451) Caliterra Tributo Carmenere 2008 (Chile)

The best value grape

Smooth drinking at its zenith

Flat screen fall sunset

450) MacMurray Winemaker's Block Pinot Noir 2005 (California)

Beguiling beauty

Ever changing, radiant

You drink till she's gone

449) Warwick Valley Cabernet Franc 2008 (New York)

New York's a marvel

But grapes grown in her soil

Taste best in jelly

448) Guenoc Victorian Claret 2007 (California)

Serene confidence

Is seduction's own trump card

Worth self-evident

447) Crognolo Toscanna 2007 (Italy)

Just one lousy grape

Snuck inside this fine bottle

And it's all I taste

446) JT Cellars Syrah 2007 (California)

Sometimes when it rains

The sky seems to be feeding

On its own grayness

445) Arniston Bay Cabernet/Merlot 2008 (South Africa)

Drawings of anchors

Should never grace wine botttles

Sends the wrong message

444) William Hill Estate Cabernet 2004 (California)

A t-shirt covers

Some flab around the middle

Where muscle's gone soft

443) Gerard Bertand Aigle Noir Pinot Noir 2008 (France)

Shy boy from the hills
Soft spoken, ready to work

Nothing's a problem

442) Dr. Jebediah Drinkwell's Meritage 2007 (California)

Cute name giveaway

A well-intentioned train wreck

Elves held at gunpoint

441) William Hill Merlot 2006 (California)

An abandoned path

Hacking through thick underbrush

Peace in the forest

440) Columbia Crest Two Vines Cabernet 2006 (Washington)

Serve with cheap hot dogs

Stale buns and canned sauerkraut

At least you're alive

439) Ramsay Pinot Noir 2007 (California)

No deft pirouettes

But respect of tradition

Is duly noted

438) Moulin De Duhart Pauillac 2005 (France)

This hissed licorice

From its pouting purple lips

Then sucker kissed me

437) DaVinci Brunello di Montalcino 2003 (Italy)

The pants were too tight

So the tailor let them out

Still, they grab the crotch

436) Hedges Family Estate CMS Red 2007 (Washington)

Way, way down inside

Honey, you really need me

A red zeppelin

435) Kendall-Jackson Cabernet Sauvignon Vintner's Reserve 2006 (California)

Sometimes experts can

Fabricate inspiration

With weights and measures

434) Seven Sisters Pinotage/Shiraz 2007 (South Africa)

I think the ladies

Should put more testosterone

Inside next year's boy

433) Rancho Zabaco Dry Creek Valley Reserve Zinfandel 2007 (California)

It drank like napalm

I let it air out for days

Now it softly coos

432) Las Rocas Garnacha 2007 (Spain)

For two years running

This one's given me pleasure

A double-yolk egg

431) M'hudi Pinotage 2007 (South Africa)

Sweating beef jerkey

Hung out in a smoking shed

No compromises

430) Sherry Lehmann Pinot Noir 2007 (California)

Like cotton candy

Extracted from rare flowers

That can shed real tears

429) Havens Reserve Merlot 2005 (California)

Missing the hurdle

The horse fell and broke his leg
Death was merciful

428) Las Rocas Garnacha 2006 (Spain)

Sandalwood fatness

Old memories of incense

In pure liquid form

427) Château Bellevue la Foret 2004 (France)

Chicken, this is wine

Wine, this is Tuscan chicken

Till death do us part

426) Marquis Phillips Sarah's Blend 2006 (Australia)

That's a cute baby

But you shouldn't let him drink

He bit my finger

425) Domaine Brunet Pinot Noir 2007 (France)

Cheap Pinot from France

So often undrinkable

Here finds radiance

424) Da Vinci Chianti Riserva 2003 (Italy)A half-fresh bouquet
With the scent of dead flowers
Masking those alive

423) Casa Mayor Merlot 2008 (Chile)

At ten thousand feet

One finds one's expectations

Are greatly reduced

422) Château Cos d'Estournel 1982 (France)

A great lesson here:

Never keep a hot women

In a warm closet

421) Chateau Haut Selve 2000 (France)

Smells like old lady,

Tastes of olive brine and plums

Weird and fading fast

420) Domaine des Grands Devers Cotes Du Rhone 2007 (France)

The place has been scrubbed
To a virginal essence

Cleaner I've not had

419) Bodegas Borsao Monte Oton Garnacha 2007 (Spain)

Protocol says sip

But you gulp from the bottle

Then laugh at the moon

418) Celler Cecilio Negere Priorat 2005 (Spain)

Don't wait to drink me
For right now I am perfect
With berries so ripe

417) Mueller Russian River Valley Syrah 2005 (California)

Some mid-section flab

But deep down I found a spine

And some true comfort

416) Dynamic Red Table Wine 2007 (California)

Made for the moment

But moments are all we have

Thumbs pointing skyward

415) Juan Gill Jumilla Monastrell 2006 (Spain)

Do you see these hands?

They rub, slap, clap, and caress

Each day burns anew

414) Scanavino Barbaresco 2002 (Italy)

Sublime seduction

Happened so gradually

Then I was ensnared

413) Wayne Thomas McLaren Vale Petit Verdot 2006 (Australia)

The referee counts

You lay dizzy on the mat

Better to stay down

412) TBD Rouge Lodi Red Wine 2007 (California)

Zin, Petite Sirah

A wacky pairing that works

But the label stinks

411) La Ferme Julien 2007 (France)

Linger over lunch

The warm fall air turns chilly

The wine disappears

410) Chateau Les Grandes Mottes 1998 (France)

Has his opinions

But mostly keeps to himself

Like a good waiter

409) Chateau Verdu 1999 (France)

The party's small talk

Seems so inconsequential

You opt for silence

408) Cereghino Smith 'Eaten By Bears' Red Blend 2007 (California/New York)

One senses the love

And the sure hand of nurture

In special children

407) La Macolina Sangiovese Riserva 2004 (Italy)

A supermodel

Sleep deprived with no makeup

Bare-boned adornment

406) Martin Codax Ergo Rioja 2005 (Spain)

Not much on the nose

And a very quick goodbye

Lovely while it lasts

405) Bernardino & da Silva Vinho Regional Estremadura Garrafeira 1997 (Portugal)

Rain hits the window

Your pillow is soft and dry

Soon you'll wake, not now

Aging gracefullyWith dark, defiant sweetnessForever's sunset

404) Monsanto Chianti Classico Riserva 2003 (Italy)

Truly classic things
Are by design unconcernedWith newfangled trends

403) Mirassou Pinot Noir 2007 (California)

Hate's irrational

It fills the soul with poison

Use for marinade

402) Famille Ligneres Piece de Roche 2004 (France)

No nose to speak of

But a nice fat spank of grape

Hangs on for dear life

401) Domaine d'Andezon Cotes du Rhone Rouge 2007 (France)

All that's red glistens

In Rhone's most magical year

Perfect fruit's sweet sweat

400) Chateau La Pointe 1998 (France)

Perhaps a hair short

But that would be nitpicking

Nap on pine needles

399) Louis M. Martini Sonoma County Cabernet 2006 (California)

The beauty of blues

Deceptive simplicity

Three essential chords

398) Kelley Creek Dry Creek Valley Merlot 2005 (California)

Essential brush strokes

Capture the figure's essence

Minimalism
397) Srathewen Hills Patterson Lakes Shiraz 2005 (Australia)

Either she's hiding
Or revealing all that's there
In a word, boring

396) Domaine D'Andezon La Granacha Signargues Cotes Du Rhone Villages 2007 (France)

I love the label

It made the wine taste better

I'm convinced of it

395) Louis M Martini Cabernet Napa Valley Reserve 2003 (California)

394) Graffigna Centenario Malbec 2005 (Argentina)

Wine that comes packaged

In fancy leather satchels

Is at best, suspect

393) Domaine La Garrigue Vacqueyras 2006 (France)

A classic style

Is a subjective concept

On which we agree

392) Bodegas Arrocal 2006 (Spain)

Clean with defined lines

A showroom sheen that glistens

Fine for families

391) Alamos Malbec 2008 (Argentina)

With tangerine skins

And a floral filled finish

The pride's justified

390) La Loggia Barolo 2002 (Italy)

Tasted like bad scotch

Until air awakened the fruit

A frog to a prince

389) Château de La Chaize Brouilly 2006 (France)

God bless the throwback

That cares not of the modern

What once was remains

388) Mak Special Edition Yarra Valley 2000 (Australia)

A whiff of lipstick,

Fresh plums, and pomegranate

Couldn't get enough

387) Thumbprint Cellars Merlot 'Reserve Lot' 2005 (California)

It's easy to spot

Children who got attention

They sense they're unique

386) Pago Senda Misa Crianza 2006 (Spain)

Robbing the cradle

A trigger pulled too early

Resist temptation

385) Arrocal Ribera Del Duero 2006 (Spain)

A woman balances

A straw basket on her head

Walking down a hill

384) Delas Saint Espirit Cotes-Du-Rhone 2007 (France)

Interweaving hands

Underneath a cloudless sky

The kiss of warm dusk

383) Jean-Marc Burgaud Cote du Py Vieilles Vignes Morgon 2005 (France)

Arresting perfume

Her scent beckons you closer

And it gets sweeter

382) Perrin & Fils Reserve Perrin Côtes du Rhône 2006 (France)

Like a cheap poster

Of a late Van Gogh painting

One gets the idea
381) Domaine Vigouroux Gouleyant Cahors Malbec 2006 (France)

Rubber burns the road

But you can't smell anything

Horseshit on tires

380) Dowie Doole McLaren Vale Shiraz 2004 (Australia)

At a close distance

The facade held great promise

Movie scenery

379) Celler Cecilio l'Espill Priorat 2000 (Spain)

A mine explosion

Deep, once you think all's settled

Hanging gardens fall

378) Epiphany Syrah 2004 (California)

A big, burly hound

Warns potential intruders

Roaring fireplace

377) Prima-Mano Primitivo 2003 (Italy)

Completely bizarre

A Phil Niekro knuckleball

tomato tea sauce

376) Domaine "La Garrigue" 2007 (France)

It tastes sumptuous

But the elusive softness

Is what captivates

375) Montecillo Rioja Gran Reserva Seleccion Especial 1981 (Spain)

A rare butterfly

Confronting the infinite

Beside a rainbow

374) Rancho Zabaco Monte Rosso Zinfandel 2003 (California)

Its sunny day passed,

Flavors were packed into bags

And thrown overboard

373) Mak Cabernet/Shiraz/Merlot/Cab Franc 2004 (Australia)

Growing cranberries

Hidden somewhere in Bordeaux

While thinking things out
372) Huntington Petite Sirah 2005 (California)

Nothing petite here

But a damn grape boomerang

Fruity slap smackdown
371) Beringer Founders Estate Cabernet 2005 (California)

The overnight test

Was passed in flying color

Sweeping deep purple
370) Willam Hill Estate Cabernet 2003 (California)

It flew straight upwards

As if the glass was prison

Cabernet with wings
369) Edenvale Syrah 2003 (Oregon)

Australia's version

Slaps your back and grabs your hand

This shakes out its hair
368) Diamond Oakes de Maniar Pinot Noir 2005 (California)

The bearded lady

Sits in a dark dressing room

Flexing her muscles
367) Craneford Shiraz 2006 (Australia)

A true gut massage

Lithe lusciousness reaching down

With a tender hand

366) Mockingbird Hill Petite Sirah 2006 (California)

Not my favorite grape

But this corners you and asks,

"Aren't I pretty?"

365) Gascon Malbec 2007 (Argentina)

Robust daily fare

For a winter's waning day

Spent in dying leaves
364) Thumbprint Cellars Syrah 2006 (California)

Deeply bountiful

Chocolate oregano licks

The nighttime sunshine
363) Clos del Mas Priorat 2000 (Spain)

Not what you'd expect

A ton of cherry berry

Smoothed from edge to edge

362) Sipavola Rosso di Sicilia 2006 (Italy)

Tastes like medicine

Just not as sweet and nasty

That's not a bad thing
361) Rancho Zabacco Zinfandel Reserve 2004 (California)

This one's a rude mess

Obnoxiously overoaked

Fake tits and lipstick
360) Chateau De Sainte Gemme 2001 (France)

The wine's delicious

But the freakin' cork's a bitch

Cursing and screaming
359) Deboeuf Domaine Desmures Chiroubles 2004 (France)

I see a farmer

Lunching with his family

Slurping up his soup

358) Marquis Phillips Shiraz 2006 (Australia)

It's hydroponic

Unapologetically

Nutritious tasting

357) Silverlake Columbia Valley Reserve Merlot 1997 (Washington)

Still sweet and preening

A thumb up the ass of age

Defiantly young

356) Hecula Monastrell 2005 (Spain)

Oregano's ghost

Short circuited my taste buds

Leaving hollow glass

355) Serafrino McLaren Vale Cabernet 2001 (Australia)

Deliciously sweet

And friendly as a hound dog

A magnum-sized hug
354) Tenimenti Conti Neri Ripasso 2005 (Italy)

A stick of spearmint
Stuck underneath the saddle

Spaghetti western

353) Bitch Grenache 2006 (Australia)

It reminds me of

A Shiraz/Voignier blend

Quite the femme fatale

352) Wyndham Estate Shaw Reserve Shiraz 2004 (Australia)

Dinner as breakfast

A thick drink bespeaking health

Pairs up with corn flakes
351) Chateau de Lavagnac Bordeaux Superior 2001 (France)

The sour cherries

stained the plain white tablecloth

We'll just bleach it out

350) Indalo Shiraz 2002 (South Africa)

Admirable fruit

But some more oak is needed

to hold the candy
349) Firestone Vineyard Santa Ynez Valley Reserve 2004 (California)

It's fresh and perky

With a nose pointed skyward

Serenely smiling

348) Keesha Cabernet Franc 2006 (California)

This one's a shy girl

Whose hair smells so glorious

As the rain falls down
347) Red Rock Reserve Merlot 2006 (California)

Caramel sunset

The serious crowd's laughing

As we drink to them

346) Backsberg Babylons Toren 2002 (South Africa)

At first, purely wood

But underneath the oak planks

Something riper lurks

345) Bodega Septima Malbec 2006 (Argentina)

Dark and sullen night

A cloudy sky threatening

Fully entertained
344) Philippe Lorraine Cabernet 2001 (California)
Shh! Pretend you're French

And when the waiter comes out

Hide the blackberries!
343) Osborne Solaz Merlot/Tempranillo 2005 (Spain)

Comes out guns blazing

With flags that say 'Bang!' & 'Pop!'

Quite enjoyable
342) Pago Florentino Tinto 2004 (Spain)

A mid-section kick

Unexpected precision

Chocolate violins

341) Frei Brothers Dry Creek Valley Merlot 2003 (California)

A ripple effect

Of cascading ripe berries

Ripped right in sunlight

340) Gascon Malbec 2006 (Argentina)

Phenomenal mouth

Drinks desire openly

Loquaciousness falls
339) Marquis Phillips Roogle Red 2004 (Australia)

I can't stop laughing
Huge, thick, overpowering

For eleven bucks

338) Folie a Deux Menage a Trois 2006 (California)

Something's not right here

Rich, but no balls or backbone

And I taste oak chips
337) Monte Degli Angeli Monferrato Pinot Noir 2006 (Italy)

A marginal wine

But it stands like a soldier

Forcing a retaste
336) Gnarley Head Old Vine Zin 2005 (California)

Noticeably soft

Firm in its forward intent

A stroll arm in arm
335) Marques De Borba Alentejo 2005 (Portugal)

There's fruit here somewhere

Because the damn stuff's purple

But I can't find it
334) Palestra Duoro Vino Tinto (Portugal)

Completely charming

I smile after each sip

then take another
333) Chateau Puynormond Montagne St.-Emilion 2004 (France)

No first date kisses

Just a peck on the second

But you hang in there
332) Conte di Bregonzo Amarone 2004 (Italy)

Even more raisins

to stuff inside your saddle

for the journey back
331) Layer Cake Shiraz 2006 (Austarlia)

I hate the label
It's an alcoholic mess

With fruit barely good

330) Biondi Santi Brunello di Montalcino 1985 (Italy)

Words sometimes fall short

And instead stand in mute awe

Unfit for the task
329) Cantalupi Conti Zecca Negramaro 2004 (Italy)

Vanilla syrup

That dries all it's poured over

Adoring rivers

328) William Hill Merlot 2003 (California)

You feel it working

Digging itself in the glass

The shine's a fake one
327) Chateau Simard St. Emilion 1995 (France)

Special lovlieness

Warm caramel in the mouth

A bracing goodbye
326) Lyeth Meritage 2004 (California)

Something cloying here

Too much like a lollipop

A red, diet one

325) Red Rock Merlot 2005 (California)

Frogs on lily pads
Not moving, but not sinking

Familiar domain

324) Prospero Merlot 2001 (California)

Holds its alcohol

Like a world-class drinking champ

with a light spirit

323) Bonterra Vineyards Merlot 2004 (California)

A cranky old man

Spent his life with burning leaves

That melted his hear

322) Cigarzin Zinfandel 2005 (California)

If it's a cigar

Then it's a Tiparillo

Sweet, thin, little else
321) Mad Dogs & Englishmen Shz/Cab/Mnstrl 2005 (Spain)

Nice marketing, guys!

Firm as a juicy dog bone

With meat hanging off
320) Agustos Carmenere Reserve 2004 (Chile)

Full, fat, & happy

Walks with a heavy swagger

Pays for your dinner
319) Vina Requingua Puerto Viejo Cabernet 2006 (Chile)

I thought of go-carts

Racing downhill without brakes

Headed for trouble
318) Mahler-Besse Taja Reserva 2003 (Spain)

Jumilla must be

Some sort of rare paradise

Where it rains purple
317)Block 50 Merlot 2005 (Australia)

The friendly stranger

Who points you to the right road

brightening your day
316)Zarafa Pinotage 2007 (South Africa)

It's the only grape

I can pick out every time

And this one's a steal
315) Chateau Pesquie 'Les Terrasses' 2004 (France)

Knew when the cork popped

And smoked cherries filled the room

I picked a winner

314) Le Pavillon Du Chateau Beauchene 2004 (France)

It's how you say, 'merde'

Or urine from a berry

Complete waste of time
313) Santa Rita Reserva Cabernet 2005 (Chile)

Didn't taste quite right
Then it did its ju-jitsu
And snapped into place
312) Finca La Linda Bonarda 2006 (Argentina)

Some wines are women

This is not one of those wines

Tall, dark, & handsome
311) Tormaresca Negroamaro/Cabernet 2003 (Italy)

It fakes out sweetness

And holds back a sultry kiss

until your throat winks
310) Senorio de Balboa 2005 (Spain)

Nothing amazing

but a fulsome grip of grape

Possessing essence
309) The Stump Jump Grenache/Syrah/Mourvedre 2004 (Australia)

An impatient spring

Flower petals opening

Under threat of snow
308) Molly Dooker Two Left Feet Shiraz Blend 2006 (Australia)

Stunning purple teeth

A stained shirt without the work

Modern farmer's trick
307) D'Agostini 'Bin 55' Cabernet NV (California)

Don't tell me your age

And I promise I won't guess

Your smile is mine
306) Juan Gil Monastrell 2005 (Spain)

Smiling hand grenade

Held firm inside a head shake

And laughing, 'Ka-boom'
305) Nando Gattinara 1998 (Italy)

This one's a lady

Almost too tall in high heels

Then she kicked them off

304) Down Under Cabernet 2002 (Australia)

Yesterday's papers

Alone on a dusty shelf

Only good news here
303) Spinner Red Merlot 2002 (California)

Amped up, tinkered with

Cherry coke in a barrel

A guilty pleasure
302) Bon Cap Organic Syrah 2004 (South Africa)

Boring as tofu

Even more stultifying

A paint commercial
301) Perry Creek ZinMan Zinfandel 2004 (California)

Warmly delicious

A virtual fireplace

Just need the big dog
300!!) Sangenis I Vaque Vall Por Priorat 2001 (Spain)

You'll need a seat belt

If you want to ride with this

Faint hearts be forewarned!
299) Vinakoper Prestige Merlot 2001 (Slovenia)

A well-kept secret

Bespeaking whispers softly

With a French accent
298) Josephine Dubois Grand Reserve Pinot Noir 2004 (France)

We're out of candy

But we have pencil shavings

Mixed up with some dirt
297) Leasingham Clare Valley Magnus Shiraz Cabernet 2003 (Australia)

The down under blend

As giddy as a showgirl

With stars in her eyes
296) Chateau LaFleur Saint-Christophe 2003 (France)

A swollen swallow

Flaps a wing and wobbles forth

The first bird to burp
295) Bella Sera Chianti 2006 (Italy)

Yes, I held my nose

But I remembered its roots

And it loved dinner

294) Domaine Monte De Luz Syrah 2005 (Uruguay)

The Rhone expression

Which surprised me early on

makes sense to me now

293) Marchesi di Montecristo Nerollo Del Bastardo 2000 (Italy)

Shy of the nine-nine

That lovely wine rocked harder

Longer eyelashes
292) Berco Do Infante Reserva 2005 (Portugal)

A five buck winner

May it spout forth from all taps

World covered purple

291) Yellow Tail The Reserve Shiraz 2005 (Australia)

Special breed of tail

Black boots trudge through rich red fruit

A waddle that works

290) Mirassou Pinot Noir 2006 (California)

"Nice day, isn't it?"

"Sure is. Hope it stays this way"

"Yep, I sure hope so"

289) Santa Carolina Reserva Cabernet 2006 (Chile)

Like a movie where

You wait to be entertained

And you fall asleep

288) Chateau Des Graviers D'Ellies Grand Cru 1999 (France)

OK, a bad year

But this is thin like Paris

A bleached blonde heiress
287) Frazzitta Nero D'Avola 2002 (Italy)

Big time bottle funk

Nearly spilled the damn thing out

Patience served me well
286) Domaine Moureou Madiran 2002 (France)

One-dimensional

Thought I tasted marzipan

Only a mirage
285) Casillero del Diablo Carmenere 2005 (Chile)

Fat swipes of cocoa

Lead thick lines of deep flavors

Seamlessly blended
284) Brown Brothers Tarrango 2005 (Australia)

A white in red's clothes

Went great with Indian food

Pointless by itself

283) Poggio Al Tufo Rompicollo 2004 (Italy)

"Slide, slide, you bastard!"

And he was safe at third base

Still, he could not score
282) Proyetco 4 2000 (Spain)

Starts like weird Pinot

Finishes off like good tea

Spanish cross-dresser

281) Meridian Cabernet Sauvignon 2003 (California)

Freshest on day three

Spinning ever sweeter fruit

That never annoyed

280) Whitehaven Marlborough Pinot Noir 2005 (New Zealand)

Interest bloomed slowly

Simple sturdy street flower

Fondly beckoned back

279) Cheapskate Miser Meritage 2004 (California)

I can taste the fun

That's all that really matters

Beach time memory

278) Lindemans Pyrus Coonwara 2003 (Australia)

Dance at the chalkboard

An Aussie slap on the back

From a sweet teacher

277) Valreas 'Cuvee Prestige' Cotes Du Rhones Villages 2005 (France)

Keeps coming at you

Like a highbrow middle-weight

Up from every blow
276) Worthy Napa Valley Cabernet 2003 (California)

Oh, let's not be coy

Way more than merely worthy

It's just desserts

275) Rosenblum Zinfandel Vintners Cuvee XXIX NV (California)

Like Pa's bathtub stash

Its focus ain't on flavor

Prelude to date rape
274) Marques Casa Concha Cabernet 2004 (Chile)

Perfect fruit fallen

Rain from the purple planet

Deceptively right
273) Domaine Bibian Madiran 1996 (France)

I love old women

Listening to their stories

Smelling their perfume

272) Domaine d'Amarran Faugeres 1998 (France)

This has a mustache

And smokes lousy cigarette
Say hi, keep walking
271) Mollydooker 'The Maitre D' Cabernet 2005 (Australia)

Newfoundland puppy

Tearing up the furniture

Love it to pieces
270) Chateau Ste. Michelle Cabernet 2002 (Washington)

Amply proportioned

Warm toasted bell-pepper blast

No funk to be found
269) Clos Du Bois Reserve Cabernet 2003 (California)

Feels a bit cranked out

Though a light touch is noticed

Could use some horse shit
268) Terroir Du Trias Beaumes de Venise 1999 (France)

Rip-snorting beauty

As subtle as a knife fight

Lamp shade on her head
267) Frei Brothers Reserve Cabernet Alexander Valley 2003 (California)

It's a sweetie pie

A panting dog licks your face

He just wants your love
266) A Mano Primitivo 2005 (Italy)

Fresh as a daisy

I mean Daisy, the stripper

Sweet, racy, & loud

265) Monasterio de Santa Ana Monastrell 2004 (Spain)

I think this one's corked

Though not bad enough to spill

I will try again

264) Crozes Hermitage Domaine de Thalabert 2001 (France)

Like the French waiter

Who has served thousands of meals

A job done, no more
263) Vina Borgia Grenache 2005 (Spain)

It's like a comma

Slowing the pace between words

A comfortable fit
262) Peachy Canyon Zinfandel 2005 (California)

First it's a rough beard

Air acts as a lubricant

Then the shave goes smooth
261) Mirassou Merlot 2004 (California)

A shameful disgrace
Like dressing up a monkey

As a prostitute

260) Apollononio Salice Salentino Rosso 2001 (Italy)

Funky river ride

In a white cigarette boat

Speed for scenery

259) Chateau Les Grandes Mottes 1995 (France)

A strong little dick

Pissing into the sunshine

Too fresh to be old

258) Petit Paris Bergerac Bordeaux 2005 (France)

Short of amazing

But a damn sort of tight fun

Super type of steal

257) Martin & Weyrich Insieme Paso Robles 2001 (California)

All over the map

Snapping the right place just fine

Hugs its own shoulders

256) Joseph Drouhin Laforet Bourgogne 2005 (France)

The surging hormones

Memories of youth released

A lump in my throat

255) La Buxynoise Reserve Bourgogne 2004 (France)

Insipid & thin

Cheap Burgundy most often
Is a must-avoid
254) Hahn Estates Meritage 2004 (California)

It's Jekyll & Hyde

Preening oak on the first night

Sweetness on the next
253) Luzon Verde Jumilla 2005 (Spain)

I waited for this

To regain some of its nerve

Shell covers the snail

252) Nederburg Shiraz 2004 (New Zealand)

A little bretty

Thought I was drinking some 'tage

Has a good, strong push

251) Trellis Los Carneros Cabernet 2002 (California)

Sweet, rich, & juicy

Swinging clear with light flavors

Satisfaction's kiss
250) Robert Mondavi Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon 2003 (California)

A textbook bottle

Sings like a purple whistle

Through evening's cool sting
249) Sebeka Shiraz 2006 (South Africa)

Lacking character

Though it has a nice richness

Funky filtered out
248) Chateau Pavie St. Emilion Grand Cru 1986 (France)

Drinking good Bordeaux

Always the experience

The hype is well earned

247) Masi Classico Amarone 1979 (Italy)

Riding a stallion

Through a harvest at full speed

Dragging furniture

246) Vosne-Romanee 1er Cru Les Suchots 1996 (France)

Like the final chord

Of Mahler's 9th symphony

A fade to silence

245) A-Mano Primitivo 2003 (Italy)

I know DNA

Says that this is Zinfandel

But I'm unconvinced

244) McWilliams Coonawarra Shiraz 2000 (Australia)

Good Aussie Shiraz

Call it high-end generic

Rich folk nursing home

243) Ravenswood Lodi Old Vine Zinfandel 2004 (California)

Liked it quite a lot

Though missing a bit of spine

Small head, lots of hair

242) Ecco Domani Merlot 2005 (Italy)

Deeply offensive

Not bad, just insidious

Quick Nestle for dupes

241) Protocolo Red Wine 2004 (Spain)

Always a mainstay

A first flush for neophytes

And fine thereafter
240) Lancaster Estate Alexander Valley Red Wine 2000 (California)

Though a kiss so soft

Her eyes do look beyond mine

And I'm left alone
239) Domaine De La Chaponne Morgon Beaujolais 2002 (France)

Who would ever think

This could age so gracefully?

Ugly duck's revenge
238) Chateau Coucy St. Emilion 2000 (France)

Trickle down theory

A rising tide lifts all yachts

Mick says, "Let it breathe"

237) Familia Sanchez Tempranillo/Syrah 2005 (Spain)

A firm fiesta

On a feather-filled mattress

Soft as her pillows
236) Rock Rabbit Syrah Central Coast 2003 (California)

I'm diggin' this grape

When it swings a west coast vibe

Cool vanilla groove
235) Santa Rita Medalla Real Cabernet 2002 (Chile)

Always a pleasure

Cute, funny, then serious

Looks great the next day

234) MacMurray Central Coast Pinot Noir 2005 (California)

Nursing home pinot

Blue haired ladies, plastic cups

Half-eaten meat loaf
233) Don Miguel Gascon Malbec 2005 (Argentina)

Rain-soaked tumbleweeds

Fruit that's fallen to the ground

Money left for food
232) Sassoregale Maremma Toscana 2003 (Italy)

Really rough out front

Nasty Robitussin notes

Better left unsung
231) Santa Rita Casa Real Cabernet 1999 (Chile)

Mountain-top evening
Soaking in a million lights

Dark satin goddess

230) Black Mountain Vineyard Pinot Noir 2005 (California)

Lovely in the mouth

And the faint glint of mushrooms

Kiss my risotto

229) Michael Sullberg Reserve Merlot 2005 (California)

It's like a long word

Missing a letter or two

Understandable

228) Graham Beck 'The William' Cab/Pinotage 2001 (South Africa)

Rubber hits the road

Gets stuck in a grape filled ditch

In time we were free
227) Da Vinci Chianti Classico 2003 (Italy)

Perfect companion

And a loving compliment

To this evening's meal

226) Petite Rousse Syrah 2004 (California)

Pink label & taste

Of fresh Florida grapefruits

Simple as sunshine

225) Lokoya Mount Veeder Cabernet 2003 (California)

Still a quite bit tight

But ride the spearmint saddle

And loosen your mind

224) Lokoya Howell Mountain Cabernet 2003 (California)

It's opti-mystic

Bright words from a 'can do' sage

American blood

223) Lokoya Diamond Mountain Cabernet 2003 (California)

Berry jangle jumps

Through a hoop of a sunrise

A swinger's breakfast

222) Bella Sera Pinot Noir 2005 (Italy)

Cheaper than bagged dirt

It's actually delicious

Faith in life restored

221) Indaba Shiraz 2005 (South Africa)

More jolted cola

But the balance is just right

Great with stale peanuts
220) Sordo Dolcetto D'Alba 2001 (Italy)

Italy's cradle

Mystery of history

Its path knows no trend
219) Yalumba Shiraz(93%) + Viognier(7%) 2004 (Australia)

A renegade blend

Seven per cent solution

Big, bright pair of bells

218)Khvanchkara Semi-Sweet Red Wine NV (Georgia)

Like diet candy,

Sweet for a good long moment

Then it falls apart

217)Tuscan Moon Sangiovese 2005 (California)

Ditzy silliness

Dull cow eyes and a fat bump

Laugh on sloppy trains

216)Magnus Clare Valley Shiraz/Cabernet 2002 (Australia)

Cab's front & center

Shiraz softens the focus

Blend's fine example
215) Marquis Phillips Cabernet 2005 (Australia)

It ain't elegant

But this balls-forward style

Will soon be the norm
214) Fueudo Zirtari 2004 (Sicily)

A funky top side

Never lets the fruit arrive

And drums ring hollow
213)Ravenswood 2002 Sonoma County "Icon" Syrah (California)

Nice fat piece of glass

Filled with ripe and placid juice

'Tween Aussie & Rhone
212)Guenoc Langtry Meritage 1998 (California)

Just keep on swirling

Until you can't feel your wrist

Trust me, it's worth it.

211)Gallo Dry Creek Valley Zinfandel 1999 (California)

I arrived too late

This patient's on life support

Its golden years lost
210) Chateau Michel De Vert 2004 (France)

About to slam this,

I drank a glass the next day

And took back my curse

209)Turning Leaf Pinot Noir Reserve 2005 (California)

I tell my best jokes

She refuses to smile

So I keep trying

208)Gallo Sonoma Reserve Cabernet 2003 (California)

Sweet, tart, full of fruit

All the rough edges sawed off

It's agreeable

207) Old Moon Old Vine Zinfandel 2005 (California)

Zin, you're my hero
Your ripe, cheapo goodness crowns
This sweet golden age

206) Williams Selyem Pinot Noir 2002 (California)

The Hall of Mirrors

Shards of flavored reflectionsAlive and wild205) Vallana Spanna Del Piemonte 1955 (Italy)

Needs some help to walk
But she has some great stories
And her eyes sparkle

204) Heitz Cellar Martha's Vineyard Cabernet 1984 (California)

Bliss-filled perfection

A resonance of rightness

That mirrors the soul

203) Cordier Chateau Andron 2000 (France)

Reminds me of 'Cats'

The show, not the animal

Andrew Lloyd Weber

202) Bridlewood Estate Reserve Shiraz 2002 (California)

A bit new age-y

Fruity adult lollipop

In a catcher's mitt

201) Molly Dooker 'The Boxer' Shiraz 2005 (Australia)

A laughing monster

Rip roaring fat & muscle

Hundred pound baby
200) Gristina Merlot 2000 (Long Island)

A sweet, windswept thing

Long Island October chill

Route for the home team

199)Vale Da Torre 2004 (Portugal)

Wine from Portugal

Is a unique animal

This one barks a bit

198) McPherson Murray Darling Merlot 2003 (Australia)

Fills the mouth quickly

And feels healthy going down

Leisure Set sports drink
197)McPherson Reserve Shiraz Goulburn Valley 2000 (Australia)

Expected Smuckers

Got a moody Rhone instead

Dying with whispers
196) McPherson Murray Darling Cabernet 2003 (Australia)

A nice, cheapo Cab

Australian wine always winks

This one smiles, too

195) McPherson Murray Darling Shiraz 2003 (Australia)

Fun vertical fruit

Turkish delight & kool aid

Melted popsicle

194)Marchesi di Montecristo Nerollo Del Bastardo 1999 (Italy)

Man, this is fun stuff

A playful bastard, in truth

One that time allows

193) Mark West Pinot Noir 2004 (California)

I had a bad mood

A lousy headache all day

Slowly, this cured me

192) Marquis Phillips Shiraz '9' 2004 (Australia)

It's fat as a cow

Barbecued chocolate malted

Youth that never was

191) Bridlewood Syrah Central Coast 2003 (California)

A rat in a bag

Seduced by pinholes of light

Sensing the freedom

190)Tentimenti Conti Nori Vaipolicella 'Ripasso' 2002 (Italy)

A steady handshake

From an intriguing stranger

I'll know her better

189)Anapamu Syrah 2001 (California)

Fat-filled bacon smoke

A tad wobbly post-swallow

But rich & tender

188)Marquis Phillips Syrah 2004 (Australia)

Octopus painter

Chocolate tentacle brushstrokes

Ink stains the palette

187)Valpacos Santa Valha Vinho Tinto 2003 (Portugal)

Awful at the first

Triamenic & cabbage

Sunset tried to help

186)Castano Monastrell 2004 (Spain)

Wants to be better

But no barrel to crawl from

Snail without a shell
185)Condesa de Sarabella 2004 (Spain)

If global warming

can yield such luscious ripeness

Is the melt all bad?

184)Da Vinci S. to Ippolito (Merlot/Syrah) 2001 (Italy)

It's the tender trap

A lovely constellation

of Spearmint sparkles
183)Zarafa Pinotage 2004 (South Africa)

Spiced pumpernickel

With a dark chocolate chaser

from a rubber cup
182)Archeo Nero d'Avola 2004 (Italy)

Laughing fun for all

Far from the ancient ruins

Nero's light shines bright
181) Four Vines Zinfandel 'Old Vine Cuvee' 2003 (California)
Advice for parents:

Pull the cork from baby's mouth

Let it breathe a bit

180)Manina Carmenere 2004 (Chile)

When seven slim bucks

Can buy glass filled with such class

It's a golden age
179) Jason's Vineyard Merlot 1999 (Long Island, NY)

I didn't expect

The Right Bank on the North Fork

Someone out there cares

178)Conte di Bregonzo Amarone 2003 (Italy)

Raisins & cherries

Swimming deep into the mouth

Caressing the throat

177) Quinta dos Aciprestes "Tinto" Duoro 2003 (Portugal)

A soft slam bang up

From the Portuguese wine store

Joys of life in Queens

176)Heartland Wirrega Shiraz 2001 (Australia)

A bit bigger grape
And the alcohol police

Would have no complaints

175)Coturri Estate Zinfandel 2001 (California)

Smells sweet like shellac

And tastes like LBV port

Way different, way cool

174)Magnificent Wine Co. House Wine 2003 (Washington)
Sweet country mouthful
Boutique batch trumps the big boys
Worth the long goose chase

172)Paringa Cabernet 2003 (Australia)
Batty from the fruit
Lab wine getting tedious
No funk makes me sad

171)Santa Rita Reserva Merlot 2002 (Chile)
It's thick and oily
Nose like horse and a new couch
Fatty Arbuckle

170)Royal Zin Cuvee Royall Zinfandel 'NV' (California)

This wine is a slut

Only one thing on her mind

And she's good at it169)Cairanne Domaine Terrasses Du Belvedere 2003 (France)

Tasted like weird cheese

Left it alone for four days

Then it was perfect

168)Coppola Rosso 2003 (California)

Back & forth on this

Rich with sweet, fat promises

But nose poor and dumb

167)Dancing Bull Merlot 2003 (California)

Oh, Mr. Goodfruit

Standing up in the bottle

Make my roast beef sing

166) Fairview Pinotage 2002 (South Africa)

Grapey on the nose

Fresh, fruity, slight ghost of cheese

Better than it sounds
165) Orleans Hill Cote Zero Organic 2003 (California)

Delciously clean

Humble and in the pocket

Good vibes all around

164) Berberana Dragon Tempranillo 2000 (Spain)

Fingers of flavor

Almost form a complete hand

If not for shy fruit

163)Deboeuf Julienas 2002 (France)

Fun tuck & roll here
Fruity kisses turning tart
Time showed the wiser

162)Deboeuf Julienas 2004 (France)

In 2003
You dazzled us at the ball
Now you're a pumpkin

161)Ercavio Tempranillo Roble 2003 (Spain)

A bit of bone here
Snapping happy castinets
Wish they were wood ones

160)Mesta Tempranillo 2004 (Spain)

Not much I can say
About tonight's selection
A yawn & a snooze

159)Pont d'Avignon Cotes Du Rhone 2003 (France)

That puppy you bought
Peed on the brand new carpet
One day he'll grow up

158)Almira Los Dos Grenache/Syrah 2004 (Spain)

The Spain of my dreams
Wine flows freely from faucets
Purple ripe country

157)Domaine Monpertuis Cepage Counoise 2003 (France)

Syrah's shy cousin
rarely leaves the house to blend
Such deep, soulful eyes

156)Rust En Vrede Estate 1999 (South Africa)

Chocolate green peppers
Soft round breasts in a steel bra
Pick mushrooms naked

155)Man Vintners Pinotage 2004 (South Africa)

'Man' is right - way fresh
Sweet spice & fresh squeezed OJ
Let's warm up that quiche!

154)Domaine Du Prieure Pinot Noir 2004 (France)

Shy depth and finish
But right for a long second
I'll take the moment

153)Spice Route Flagship Merlot 2000 (South Africa)

A tongue massager
Finale, not a finish
Brain taffy turner

152) Rosemount Estate Diamond Label Shiraz 2004 (Australia)

Just your basic drink
But a groovy spearmint twist
sparkles the windup

151)Monte Velho Alentjano 2004 (Portugal)

Naive & Joyful
Unaware of her beauty
Loves to turn you on

150)Excelsior Cabernet 2004 (South Africa)

At first, a bit green
With some funky band-aid notes
Day two, much improved

149)Marquis Phillips Cabernet 2004 (Australia)

Hate these damn screw caps
Without the pop, there's no bang!
Not that this needs it...

148)Tait 'The Ballbuster' Shiraz-Cab-Merlot 2004 (Australia)
Fruit-driven monster
Catchy name, big alcohol,
Little mystery

147)The Little Penguin Pinot Noir 2004 (Australia)
Poor Mr. Pinot
They went and cut out his brain
Now he just smiles

146)Frei Brothers Alexander Valley Reserve Cabernet 2001 (California)No clear finish line
Jacknife diver doubles back
Olympic medal

145)Frei Brothers Dry Creek Valley Reserve Merlot 2002 (California)
A deep chocolate bomb
Merlot gets a bad rap, but
What does the crowd know?

144)Stonehaven Shiraz 2004 (Australia)Yea, right. Shiraz. Sure.
That there is raspberry juice!
I ain't no damn fool

143)Louis M. Martini Sonoma County Cabernet 2002 (California)Once again struck dumb
By a very nice bottle
And I could care less

142)Terra Unica Tempranillo-Monastrell Riserva 2000 (Spain)Pastel waterfall
A sweet patch of clear blue sky
Cherished innocence

141)Tierra Del Fuego 2004 (Argentinia)Fresh for a second
Then chlorine and iodine
Fought for prominence

140)Rosso di Montalcino, Caparzo, Vendemmia 2000 (Italy)Sleepy antique store
Box full of faded postcards
Wine to browse life by

139)Gallo Barrelli Creek Vineyard Cabernet 1997 (California)Rich but neurotic
The house, car, country club and...
Psychiatrist's couch

138) Chateau Gruaud Larose 1983 (France)Still quite the lady
But pictures in her scrapbook
Tell the real story

137)Vinasde Balbo Bonardo/Malbec 2004 (Argentina)Clear, simple friendship
Of a blossoming fondness
Smile makes wonders

136) Scanavino Barbaresco 1999 (Italy)Bracingly tannic
Faint leather chamomile breeze
Violet-filled boots

135)Terra Unica Cabernet/Merlot 2002 (Spain)If I tasted blind
I might say it's Chianti
Call it a food wine

134)Tapiz Cabernet 1999 (Argentina)One to fool your friends
Old & cheap, should have been shot
But thriving way hard

133)Tony's California Special 2005 (homemade in a garage in Queens, New York)Tropical flavors
Hide a sicko sucker punch
Beaujolais as Port

132)Bodegas Olivares Altos De La Hoya Monastrell 2003 (Spain)A bold expression
Of an oft overlooked grape
That always rewards

131)Monterra Red Medley Encore 1999 (California)I sip as snow falls
A tightly knit seamless gem
Pretend fireplace

130)Chateau Bellevue Claribes Bordeaux 2003 (France)Not much to report
Utterly lacking magic
See you back in Spain

129)Dinky Do Shiraz 2003 (Australia)World's best five buck wine?
Brightly lit delicate fruit
Followed by darkness

128)The Wishing Tree Shiraz 2004 (Australia)This one's got behind
A nice, plump and luscious one
Well rounded, but firm

127)'The Fifteen' (15% alcohol) Grenache 2001 (France)Frankenstein grenache
Amped up like a crackhead Rhone
Two percent too high

126)Armida Russian River Valley Merlot 1998 (California)Ham-fisted high-five
Plus Celray tonic finish
Ace with pastrami

125)Frei Brothers Redwood Creek Syrah 2002 (California)Like a candy cane
That fell into the toilet
Gross, but kinda fun

124)Glass Mountain Quarry Syrah 2000 (California)Dwarfed by home-cooked ribs
Syrah? Could be anything
Art opening swill

123)Glass Mountain Quarry Merlot 1999 (California)The slam it down stuff
But it lifts its skirt slightly
To show off some leg

122)Quara Tannat 2004 (Argentina)A cute wallflower
Called me from across the room
Charm gave way to lust

121)Vina Alarba 2003 (Spain)This one's too yeasty
With a beer-like aftertaste
At war with itself

120)Mirassou Pinot Noir 2004 (California)Oh, I don't like this
Unsweetened knockoff toothpaste
Was this made from grapes?

119)Fontal Tempranillo Crianza 2001(Spain)Buttery finish
That seems to last forever
Spain is on a roll

118)Condesa de Leganza Crianza 1999 (Spain)Smoke a nice cigar
With a mouthful of cherries
You get the picture

117)Fairview Goats Do Roam In Villages 2003 (South Africa)The label's a scream
But the wine is Elton John
More glitz than glamour

116)Gaudon Rioja 2003 (Spain)It's a sweet & hot
Fruit-filled Spanish dixieland
Blood orange trumpets

115)Candido Salice Salentino Riserva 1998 (Italy)Like a tart Pinot
With a brambly mid-section
Snarky hide & seek

114)KWV Cabernet 2000 (South Africa)I found the fatness
It's like a big round grandma
That never lets go

113)Nadaria Annata Nero D'avola 2002 (Sicily)Change of seasons wine
Dried fruit, gingerbread finish
October's Christmas

112)Barefoot Merlot 'no vintage' (California)A nice chocolate nose
For only five lousy bucks
You could bathe in it

111)MandraRossa Shiraz 2002 (Sicily)Sicilian Shiraz?
But its quite damp and lovely
With bite, charm, balance

110)DaVinci Chianti Classico 2001 (Italy)It begins to speak
Then falls asleep mid-sentence
Never to wake up

109)Centro Max "Signature Bottle" 1997 (Italy)Kryptonite of time
Has brought this one to its knees
Merely a shadow

108)Chappelet Sangiovese 1999 (California)Visit more often
Italy's acidity
Softens over here

107)Santa Rita Floresta Syrah/Cabernet/Carmenere 1997 (Chile)The most perfect day
Becomes a fond memory
Before its ending

106)Pellegrini Vineyards North Fork Merlot 1999 (Long Island, NY)Barbecued handbag
Carpet cleaner marinade
Finishes like Scope

105)Mas Donis Barrica 2002 (Spain)Threading the needle
It follows its follow through
Deep inquisition

104)Borsao Crianza 2001 (Spain)A changeable wine
So confidently subtle
bobbing & weaving

103) 1707 Almansa Syrah/Cab/Merlot 2002 (Spain)Here's a lousy drink
Parading as a good one
Empty oak barrels

102)Ironstone Cabernet Franc 2000 (California)Amazing bouquet!
Beautiful girl, whiny voice
Better as perfume

101)Colosi Sicilia 2003 (Italy)Sip with your eyes closed
Imagine the summer sun
Sweating sweet berries

100)Castano Hecula Yecla 2002 (Spain)Tiny tangerines
And a nose most heavenly
A child's first fist

99)Kautz Library Collection Meritage 1993 (California)Comfortably restrained
Almost a Pinot-like nose
With licks of saddle

98)Panarroz Jumilla 2003 (Spain)Fat luscious droplets
Another Spanish hat trick
Three grapes & five stars

97)Deliecato Monterey Vine Select Syrah 1998 (California)Fennel and Cassis
Both have seen me through the years
A toast to friendship!

96)Gordon Brothers Merlot 1999 (Washington)Gently cooked green beans
Mints hidden in the pillows
Thick plummy whispers

95)Gordon Brothers Syrah 2000 (Washington)A very strange one
Couldn't stand up to dinner
But worked as dessert

94)Chateau d'or et de Gueles 2001 (France)Where there's Mourvedre
There's some high jumpin' honey
Cheapo razzmatazz

93)Castel Vinde Syrah 2003 (France)Flying to Paris
A bit disoriented
Not bad for plane wine!


92)Don Aldo Merlot 2000 (Chile)Funky & Skanky
An overripe plum pudding
Left out in the rain


91)Bodegas Luan Castilla VT "Equis" 2003 (Spain)A thin, angry wine
a small dog chained to a wall
Good length, but what for?

90) One.9 (carbs per glass) Merlot 2002 (California)Like wine that's been raped
A hole cut from its center
For diet Nazis

89) False Bay Pinotage 2002 (South Africa)Not one false note here
Funky and approachable
Smoke up some ham hocks

88) Artazuri Navarra 2003 (Spain)A punning trickster
Presents itself silky sweet
Then, a tart back flip

87) Borsao Tres Picos Garnacha 2003 (Spain)It's all in the glass
The sun on the horizon
Vines heavy with fruit

86)Navarro Correas Malbec 2003 (Argentina)Dark chocolate building
Grape button elevator
Only six floors, though

85)Guigal Gigondas 2001(Rhone, France)This needed a day
To finally make up its mind
a quirky natural

84)Guilliams Estate Cabernet 1995 (California)Dry blackberry way
Sweetened up as the night passed
Fast ball high & tight

83)Red Bicyclette Syrah 2002 (France)Uncomplicated
And as fresh as a spring rain
I'm common, sue me

82)Spinelli Tratturo Montepulciano D'Abruzzo 2003 (Italy)Tightly wrapped dried fruit
Lots of bright front mouth flavor
A tart small tit wine

81)Frei Brothers Russian River Pinot Noir 2003(California)A fine, brooding drink
Perfect for a lousy day
Or a crappy night

80)Masseria del Pilone Primitivo Salento 2002 (Italy)Heavy ceder box
Filled up with Cuban cigars
and dried blueberries

79)King Fish Cabernet 2003 (California)I trowel for cheap wines
I plow the bins for bargains
But cheap gets boring

78)Allanca Classico Riserva 1998 (Portugal)Leather glove headboard
Sandy vines on the upswing
Gold-plated work day

77)BaDa Bing 2001 (France)BaDa Bing my ass
It's simple French vin de pays
Please don't tell Tony

76)Western Desert Shiraz 2000 (Australia)Mr. Generic
A happy little house wine
The Big Mac of Grapes

75)Rancho Zabaco Zinfandel Reserve 2001(California)
Country wine moonshine
Zinfandel, the people's grape
Big fist slap n' slam

74)Swartland Pinotage 2000 (South Africa)Pinotage rubber
Soft grapefruit on the backbone
Props to the oddball

73)Cheviot Bridge Cabernet Merlot 2000 (Australia)Very perfumed nose
It also tastes like perfume
Castrated poodle

72)Alameda Cabernet Vintner's Selection 1998 (Chile)Faded but holding
(not unlike many of us!)
Tears against the twine

71)Estrella Pinot Noir 2001(California)
For only eight bucks
A tangle of wood & fruit
Life, you surprise me!

70)Crocodile Rock Merlot(Australia)
Florid & friendly
Sweet candy, tart follow through
Very silly name

69)Crocodile Rock Shiraz(Australia)This one is poison
Nothing worse than bad Shiraz
For mother-in-law

68)Yellow Tail Shiraz Reserve Casella Estate 2002 (Australia)
You turn up your nose
You despise the kangaroo
But the drink is wide

67)Mederos de San Juan Tannat 2000 (Uruguay)
Tannat means tannic
Close your eyes and pucker up
Cantankerous sips

66)Juvenas Cabernet Reserva 1995 (Spain)

Under normal layres

hints of complex character

Traffic on the road65)EA Tinto Vinho Regional Alentejano 2003 (Portugal)Steroid Beaujolais
Berries jumping from the glass
Lay back and deep dream

64)Santa Rita Medalla Real Cabernet 2001 (Chile)
Soft earth, musk, cassis
Hiding like a shy lover
No food, just Schubert63)Shale Ridge Monterey Syrah 2003 (California)Happy Homebody
Late afternoon's time to spare
Sweet sincerity62)Ibernoble Crianza 1997 (Spain)Deep, wide, and noble
A layer of butter on top
Sausage cigarettes
61)Michel Picard Bourgogne 1996 (France)Thorny & rusty
Prickly bristles and crushed leaves
French post-Romantic60)Aquinas Cabernet 2002 (Napa)I remember well
The lazy beach day picnic
Clearly something's changed59)Veramonte Primus 2002 (Chile)Belgian chocolate
Winter dreams of summertime
Mahagony room

58)Bella Sera Merlot 2001 (Italy)
What makes cheap wine cheap?
Everything here is tiny
A friendly munchkin

57)Tyrrell's Long Flat Shiraz 2001 (Australia)
Fat ripe fruit that's fun
I like a giggle just fine
But only laughs here

56)Bertani Rosso Di Vaerzella 1997 (Italy)
This bottle cried out,
"Give me pasta and red sauce"
It soon found its bliss

55)Cartlidge & Brown Pinot Noir 2002 (California)
Rustic dimensions
A walk through a damp forest
Underpriced by half

54)Garrafeira Tinto Palmela 1995 (Portugal)
Weird but great bottle
Nose of spicy cinnamon
Strong taste of…mustard!53)S’forno Monastrel 2002 (Spain)A pair of work boots
Marinated in honey
Wish it saw some wood

52)Chateau Grimard 2002 (Bordeaux)
No oak here at all
Instructive and sobering
Naked old lady

51)Cline Ancient Vines Zinfandel 1998 (California)
Liquid cigar box
From an overgrown forest
homemade cola fruit

50)Cactus Creek Zinfandel (Napa) 2002
A bomb of cocoa
Dressed in a robe of crimson
Glassful of cupcake

49)MacMurray Pinot Noir (California Coastal) 1999Cinnamon smile
Memory of candy canes
Sweet as My Three Sons48)MacMurray Pinot Noir (Russian River) 2001Film noir darkness
Silky spice sits on the tongue
California breeze

47)Villa Maria Merlot/Cabernet Private Bin (New Zealand) 2001
Warm, simple, fat fun
Perfect for a drinking game
Stretch out a spring day

46)Fortius, Cabernet (Spain) 1999
Blackberry tannins
Deep vanilla licorice
Power of balance

45)Gordon Brothers, Cabernet (Columbia Valley, Washington) 1999
Wine with breast implants
squeezing out every last drop
Pump up the volume

44)Quatro, Cabernet (Napa, California) 1998
No two sips the same
Dusty berry attic dreams
Honey on the vine

43)Quatro, Zinfandel (Napa, California) 1999
Effervescent hints
A dream of soda bubbles
Friendly as a dog

42)Julienas, DeBeouf (Beaujolais, France) 2003
Summer strawberries
Extracted & exploded
Juice squeezed from the sun

41)Moulin-A-Vent, DeBeouf (Beaujolais, France) 2003
Blueberry hot sauce
Summer is a state of mind
Let us all relax

40)Diamondback Vineyards Cabernet (Mendocino, California) 1999
Copperhead hissing
Iron bars in oak barrels
All it eats is steak

39)Mas De La Dame, Coin Cache (Provence, France) 1999
Pointless without food
Dry like a bone in a bone
Chalky leather soul

38)Santa Rita Reserva, Cabernet (Chile) 2000
Ol’ Reliable
Pull up a chair, my good friend
Millennium gift

37)Chateau La Croix (Pomerol, France) 1973(!)
Old and shot to shit
Mushroom, dung, and dirty roads
Still, there’s elegance36)Rancho Zabaco Reserve Zinfandel (California) 2000Do I drink this stuff
Or pour it over pancakes?
Deepest of purples

35)Napa Ridge Pinot Noir (California) 2000
Like a Burgundy
With a crude lobotomy
No dirt here, just fruit

34)Ironwood Petite Syrah (California) 2000
A nighttime promise
Dark as any I have seen
But tepid like tea

33)Antoine Rodet Gevrey-Chambertin (France) 1998
The nose was like dog
Soaking wet from heavy rain
But it drank like dreams

32)Vitticio Riserva (Italy) 2000
New wave Chianti
Sangiovese/Merlot
Italian God Juice31)Rosenthal Merlot (California) 1997No, it ain’t Kosher
A damp glass of flesh and oak
A walk through the woods

30)Santa Rita Medalla Real (Chile) 2000
This is just too good
For the price that it goes for
A prism of taste

29)Pepperwood Grove Merlot (California) 2001
Cheap and mass-produced
The snobs will hold their noses
Their loss and who cares?

28)Vina Pomal Rioja Riserva (Spain) 1997
Underneath the bull
It can sometimes smell like this
Secrets of the barn

27)Falesco Vitiano (Umbria, Italy) 2002
Sometimes the balance
In a wine is beautiful
Like here. What a deal.

26)Domaine De La Solitude (Rhone, France) 2000
Minty pepper ghost
I could drink this every day
And never get bored25)Marquis Phillips Shiraz (Australia) 2002A velvet hammer
The blood of an animal
Heretofore unknown

24)Calina Cabernet (Chile) 1999
An ugly label
But wine that tastes like fine tea
Brewed with juice from plums

23)Carmen Reserve Pinot Noir (Chile) 1999
Some people like this
I could barely swallow it
Mogen David’s Ghost22)Protocolo (Spain) 2000Nothing cheaper here
Five bucks and really quite good
Xerox Cotes Du Rhone
21)Evans King’s Valley Cabernet (Australia) 1998
So lightly lemoned
Like Bordeaux on vacation
Let’s see more like this20)Chateaux Timberlay (Bordeaux, France) 1995Holding up nicely
Nose of moss, gravel, and peat
Oak barrel mother

19)BV Napa Valley Cabernet (California) 1997
Yea, OK, it’s great
But there’s too much oak for me
Ripe fruit spanked by wood18)LA Cetto Petite Sirah (Baja, Mexico) 1999First a big hello
Then a very quick goodbye
Like it wasn’t there17)Bertani Bardolino Classico (Italy) 2000When it’s cracked open
It tastes like fruit and rubber
Then it drinks like rain16)Santa Rita 120 Carmenere (Chile) 2001Clean as the whole truth
Surprisingly long finish
This makes Sammy run

15)Cotes Du Rhone "Parallele 45" (France) 2001
Thin and not much nose
But man, does this bad boy jump!
Stiff blast of pepper
14)Pepi Two Hearts Sangiovese (California) 1997
Chianti-like? No.
Closer to a Beaujolais
Grandpa’s favorite dress

13)Bottega Vinaia Trentino Lagrein (Italy) 1999
Cut grass & leather
An open conversation
That unfolds slowly

12)Smoking Loon Syrah (California) 1999
Tasty Big Round Fruit
And a surprising finish:
A Nestle’s Crunch Bar!

11)Out Of The Blue Pinotage (South Africa) 2003
Horrible label
But nice chocolate alcohol
And hints of band aids10)Clos Du Chapitre (Burgundy) 1981Had to take a sip
Out of curiosity
Like suckling a corpse

9)Stella & Mosca Tanca Farra 2000 (Sardinia)
Shy, but good balance
Not overly anything
Another bottle8)San Luca Poggio Dei Poggi 1995 (Tuscany)My goodness gracious
Pure velvet saturation
Every sip a star7)Lakespring Merlot 1996 (Napa)Alcohol blew off
To reveal sumptuous notes
Of Colgate toothpaste!6)Chateau Puech-Haut 2001 (Langudoc)I like liquorice
When it’s tight & taut like this
No attitudes here

5)Louis M. Martini Napa Valley Reserve Cabernet 2000
Everything correct
Tannins & acidity
Bored me to pieces

4)Borsao Campo De Borja 2003 (Spain)
Whats wrong with Kool-aid?
With Guacomole I made
It’s freshly cut lawn

3)Jacob’s Creek Cabernet/Merlot 2002 (Australia)
Celery Cola
Tried so hard to be pretty
No drive in this dive

2)Penascal Tempranillo 2000 (Spain)
Interestng finish
I'm reminded of ashes
Just too watery
1)Kunde Merlot 2000 (Sonoma)Uninspiring
A hot dog and its owner
Looking for the car

Besides sucking down wine and writing verse, Lane Steinberg is a songwriter and redording artist. Check out his music